This is Crazy

So, it is currently 1:30 am and I am sitting up with Riley. Most of you don't know this, but every 4 hours Riley receives a CPT which is Chest Percussive Therapy. It is done to help break up the secretions in her lungs that sometimes form, it does not hurt in fact now when we do it it sometimes causes her to fall asleep. She receives 8 minutes of CPT on the front and 8 minutes of CPT on the back which got me thinking.....just how much CPT has she received, so I crunched some numbers and well this is insane.......( I THINK MY MATH IS RIGHT LET ME KNOW)

1,202,400 seconds of CPT
20,040 minutes of CPT
334 hours of CPT
14 days of CPT

And you know what I am thankful for everyone of those 1,202,400 seconds.....now don't get me wrong I would trade every one of those seconds for a healthy baby girl, but I have learned more about God this past year than I ever have in my life.

I do not know how to explain it, but there is freedom in life when you have no other choice, but to trust God. Also, there is an insane freedom found when you find that God has put a strength in you that can only come from his peace and his love.

If I am completely honest with everyone out there, I think it is has been because I have always had doubts. Lets be honest with ourselves sometimes the things that God says in the Bible are kind of hard to understand....( You mean for me to be first I have to be last?.....You mean that your power is made perfect when I am weakest?.....etc)...How do you understand that?.....I mean I know that there are the text book Bible answers, but have you ever really asked yourself ....WHAT?????.....Well if you haven't I have and I would imagine I am not the only one. However, this year all of these doubt or questions that I have had have been smoked by God and His Holy Spirit......

I understand what it means when God tells me that his strength is made perfect in my weakness....I understand that means when I am weak He is the one that gives me strength, that He is the one that carries me through these long nights, that He is the one that allows me to have peace in such a storm....and in that there is peace.......

I understand that miracles do not always have to look the way they do in my head....I understand what it means to have complete dependence upon God in a certain area of my life.....I understand that the moment I think I have a grasp on God I don't........

But most of all I have learned that I can really really really trust God and that whatever he decided for my life is best.....It may not always be easy, but because he is my Father and He loves me He knows whats best.........

I wish I could explain this better