Hope

I often wonder what it will be like when I hear Riley's first sound. I often imagine it in a sort of movie like scene, where I am walking away and my back is to her and then I hear it. I immediately start crying and the sheer joy and even as I write this now I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. However, there is another scene that I also have in my mind which is exciting, but at the same time very hard to think about. I am in heaven and I am walking and I just hear the word "Daddy" and in that moment for the first time I hear her call out to me.....it is more than I can bare.....I run to her and embrace holding her and weeping because she has finally been made whole.

What will it be like?

The beauty and the pain of these situations is that I may never experience the one here on earth, but I will most definitly experience the one in heaven. However today God gave me a hope that is beyond words. I don't know how to explain it except to say that just like I know my children's voices I also know when my heavenly father speaks to me and today he did in the most amazing way.

I was walking out of a store at the Town Center and I ran into one of Riley's old nurses. She was talking to two other ladies and was pushing a young boy in a wheel-chair. At first I did not notice much about the boy except that he had a tracheotomy, but I walked up to the nurse and told her I just wanted to say hi and that I was Riley's father. She then hugged me and asked me all about Riley and how she was doing, but then she said this is the little fella I take care of Jonathon.......Then I heard it this beautiful little boy with a tracheotomy said, "Hey man my name is Jonathon" and then he gave me a high 5. I don't know what it was, but something in my spirit jumped, I was seeing something that I have been praying for and imaging for so long.
I then knelt down beside Jonathon and told him that I had a daughter that had a tracheotomy to...he then just looked at me cocked his head and asked me her name and how old she was. I proceeded to talk to him for awhile, but eventually had to walk away because up under my dark sunglasses there were huge tears in my eyes that were getting ready to roll down my cheeks....As I walked away he looked at me and said,"I am really glad I got to meet you today."

I was a mess.........

It is amazing how God works, here is this small boy who could be no more than 8 years old who was physically and mentally disabled giving me a hope that I have not experienced since all of this happened with Riley. It was as if God was using Jonathon to tell me that it is possible and that I will not have to wait until heaven to hear Riley. I can't explain it........

Lamentations 3:24-31

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.